Life Lesson for Mommy #44:
Big Fat Momma
I met an acquaintance I hadn’t seen since before I was pregnant with Omera- over 3 years ago. So when we met up by accident at the mall today, it was a great surprise to know she had just given birth to a healthy baby girl a month ago. I was surprised since she didn’t even look like she had been pregnant! I told her she looked amazing having just given birth! She replied by asking how old Haytham was, I said almost 5 months and we both had this awkward silence….Like as if her eyes were asking me why I hadn’t already lost all that baby weight yet?
I felt like I had to explain to her why I was still hanging on to my chub. So it’s been 4 months, almost 5 and I haven’t lost all the baby weight I gained…in fact there is a good chance a gained a pound or 2 back. And most of it due to the fact that my son Haytham was mad colic for the first 3 months of his life out of the belly- horrible crying, intense purple crying and not to mention 4 major nursing strikes. It was tough and really emotionally intense. All that along with neck and shoulder pain from an accident that never really healed….of course I’m gonna eat cupcakes dammit!
But I shouldn’t have to justify this to people or myself. It’s tough to be a woman and even harder to be a mom. The expectations don’t go down just because you have a baby, in fact it might be even worse. Everyone looks at Kim Kardashian and thinks it’s realistic to drop 25lbs after having the baby. Well let me tell you, the Kim types in the world have the time, and maybe their priorities and help are a bit different then mine. Hollywood has the help, the chef, the personal trainer…I just have myself LOL And the one time I went to a baby yoga class, I had to rush out in 10 minutes because Haytham had a colic episode….but the time I had in there made me realize that woman are really harsh with each other. These yoga moms were in there with their babies who were younger then Haytham and looking like they had never gotten pregnant, looking at me like I didn’t care for myself….
Why is the pressure to be thin so quickly after birth so crucial? Are we that narrow minded of a society, that the health of a mother comes last compared to her body image? Is left over belly from where the baby stretches your inni into an outie that bad? Is it so bad to have curves and chub left over on your body after nurturing life for 10 months? Is it really that bad?
It’s fine if you want to be thin and fit, all the power to you. If you can balance new baby and having a fit amazing bod, I envy your will power! If you can send me some of that energy and will power please do! A year or two ago a fitness momma with 3 kids posted up a picture of her 3 sons and her in a 2 piece outfit with the title ‘what’s your excuse’. It was a huge thing on the net, and the question of if fat shaming is actually a good thing came up. To push women who are new mothers to lose excess baby weight faster and not use the baby….Um wtf? Serious? Maybe her babies are just wonderful angels who did what they were supposed to do on time, but that’s not the majority of babies. Maybe she left her kids to exercise, I didn’t.
That’s not the majority of women out there. And what I resent is the ‘yoga momma’s’ out there who are fat shaming real mothers who don’t have perfect babies. They don’t have perfect bodies and why should fat be the issue. Shouldn’t healthy be what you push?
Listen, if all you eat is kale and kale, and everything’s juiced, that’s great, I’m very envious of your lifestyle. But even if all I ate was that, I would never be a size zero and I don’t ever want to be a size zero, I just want to be healthy.
Body image was getting me down, seeing these perfect bodies of new momma’s was getting me down. And then a wonderful thing happened…my husband told me that he liked my chub. That this chub was proof that I put priority on my colic son who needed me for those 3 months. I put priority on my daughter who felt left out because all my time was spent on nursing and cuddling an infant. I put priority on my happiness by using time I could have used on the stepper to watch a funny show to lift my dwindling spirits. I ate, oh I ate when I had a chance, and that was whenever the baby wasn’t crying, so my diet wasn’t great. Regardless, I love the way I am. And though I want to go back to my ideal size, I’m not going to let images of sexy momma’s in bikini’s break me down. And it shouldn’t bring down any mother.
You are amazing, and your body is amazing. You have to love yourself, no point is being thin if all that matters to you is what other people think. Then all you’re doing is being shallow, and teaching your children that girls have to be thin, sexy objects. And I for one will not teach my daughter or my son that. Women are beautiful inside out, the way they are. There is too much heavy important placed on the size of her waist and not enough on how amazing of a girl or mother she is. And most importantly both her physical and mental health should be what matters.
I love my chub. And if you meet me, you’ll love my chub too.
Pass this to a new momma who loves her chub too.