Life Lessons for Mommy #143:

Rest, Relax, Colour

Adult Coloring Is Hard

I used to color a lot when I was younger, I don’t mean just in my teen years I mean well into college and beyond years.
But as the years ticked on and I got older, got married, got some kids, got responsibilities and some things in life just change you. And then you change so much that you no longer remember that you colored and enjoyed drawing and being excited about it.

Mental Health is something that is really being focused on lately and it’s about time! I didn’t even know I was an anxious person until a car accident and I started to see a Psychologist. And one of the things my psychologist told me about was these adult coloring pages. At first I was really excited about it! I remembered that I used to love drawing and coloring! It was very relaxing and very fun! And apparently it’s mentally good for you!

Adult colouring pages! The new thing in mental health! Next to proper diet, exercise which both need like serious will power, colouring is fun – no will power required!

The one my psychologist gave me just wasn’t doing it for me. So I surfed the net for some one’s that appealed to me. I found this great blog that points you to awesome free printable pages! http://www.everythingetsy.com/2015/08/printable-coloring-pages-for-adults-15-free-designs/
I printed these 2

My favorite honestly is the fishes!!!

And then some one’s from amazon that peeked my interest. These 2 were my favorite
Tribal Life – perfect for both guys and gals
Colour me Calm – my 2nd fave, perfect combo of detail and design

So I got my colouring stuff and was all set and ready to color with a fresh new case of Laurentian pencils. I quickly realized though, I was really sucking. The colors I was using were all over the place and the more I colored the less aesthetically pleasing it was. God, the more I tried to make it look good the more stressful it got. Why wasn’t I just enjoying this?

Some of the shapes and designs area’s weren’t 100% symmetrical, and other times it was just the colors I was using weren’t making it pop out. I was over thinking it and making something that was supposed to be fun into a freaking annoyance. I talked to some of my friends about it, and one of them suggested studying online for color schemes and learning how to use the right colors to make a more aesthetically pleasing page….really? I’m going to have to study how to color to relieve my anxiety?

These pages were causing a lot of anxiety for me. It wasn’t working. When I told my psychologist this, I honestly think she probably thought ‘what the heck are you doing???’ in her head. And that made me more anxious thinking about how anxious I was being about coloring. And its’ true, what the heck am I doing? This is about coloring and having fun, making mistakes and accepting them and letting it pass. This isn’t about looking good or producing something that looks good but something to learn patience from.

I decided that I’m going to print out a new page and go nuts! Have fun and forget about aesthetics and just randomly color and just have fun with it! And I even printed one for my daughter. It will be fun to color with her and learn from her how to just wing and have fun. To be thoughtless for once in doing something. To not over-think or even think. To make something that might not look good but accepting it and being proud of it. I don’t have to try hard on every thing. Maybe the reason why none of the other methods for anxiety are working because I over-think it and try too hard on it. I need to just let it be.

If you want to get started right now, here are a few FREE printables!
1) Sailboat

Sail On My Anxious Friend!
Sail On My Anxious Friend!

2) Flower Garden

These Flowers Need Colour!
These Flowers Need Colour!

 

3) Being Zen

Now you're totally Zen.
Now you’re totally Zen.

I remember a long time ago, when I was in college I believe, I was feeling anxious. I was going through some tough circumstances and things in my life didn’t feel fair and I didn’t know how to stand up for myself. I was actually sad a lot those times. But one day I literally woke up, felt the sun on my face and said “I am not going to be sad anymore!” And I actually just did life, instead of thinking about things. I made some mistakes and I wish I could go back and fix them because I think I would have been able to achieve a lot of great stuff.  I also wish I could go back and not let that car accident happen that would probably end all my current pain and anxiety. But that’s okay, I have a great husband, 2 wonderful kids and yes it’s not all good- there are some bad days and bad things. But I will color myself out of those bad days by relearning how to just let it be and let it go.

And now, to color.

Good Luck!
😀

Life Lesson for Mommy #142:

5 Minute Scrub! DIY!

There are only a few things I do for myself during the week to take care of myself. And this is one of them. I make a cup of it, stick it into a glass mason jar and use it up every week! It’s easy and it cleanses your skin, helps smooth out, lightens and brightens your skin and just overall good! And you probably already have these ingredients in your house!

It doesn’t matter if you have dry or oily skin- this is great for both. I have combination skin so this is perfect for someone like me. You can add a little something extra to it if you feel your skin type needs a little less or more.

The Stuff You Need:

  • 1 lemon squeezed out of all it’s juice, no seeds.
  • 1 cup plain white yogurt
  • 1/2 cup oatmeal (blended dry until it’s a powder)

Mix all the ingredients and make a paste- it should not be sliding off your face. Decrease yogurt or increase amount of oatmeal powder to reach paste like consistency.

That’s it! Mix it, put it into a mason jar and keep it in your fridge. And 5 minutes before your shower, or while you’re in the shower slather it on your face and neck and let it sit for as long as you can. Ideal would be until it dries and feels like your face is tight! But any amount of time is great!

It’s like a mask, a scrub, a cleanser, a toner- it freaking does it all!

Some Tips:

  •  Make sure your yogurt is not about to be expired.
  • -Label the mason jar with yogurt expiry so you know when to throw out mixture- should only use for 1 week before making new batch.

Crying on my Birthday.

My anxiety filled-1

Horray! I’m 34! Except this birthday isn’t like other birthdays.

This year I am riddled with fear, doubt and feelings of just exhaustion. No matter how I try to pick myself up, come up with different plans, and do what I can personally to strengthen myself mentally- I have moments like this…except this moment has been creeping up on my for a long time I think….3 years to be exact.

I have been trying my hardest to avoid my anxieties of things by telling myself they don’t either exist or that they’re small and don’t need this much mental anguish.

Except 3 years later, nothing has changed and I have realized this. I got into a bad car accident- well to me it was bad. Life was going pretty well before this accident. I had a hard pregnancy with my daughter, but things were picking up. My husband could refocus on his business again, and I was enjoying my daughter. With a new journey ahead of us, things were looking up!

Until that car accident changed it all. It changed a lot about me. I became an angry person, an anxious person who thought about ‘how things were going to go wrong’ all the time, I made chaos out of even the smallest things. And to top it off was the pain…the pain is still what affects me and keeps me angry and anxious. I want to be happy and look forward but this neck, this face pain keeps me in the past. It keeps me in that accident, in that car.

Several unfair things happened after. The rear ending wasn’t the only hit- we took hit after hit after hit….my husband was injured and could barely work dealing with his own pain, me, my appointments and his own; then our daughter still needed her parents. He took the charge because I had mentally wiped out. He pushed himself and pushed and never uttered a bad word. Financially we took a hit, we couldn’t work but we still had expenses plus paying for appointments. We took another hit because I stopped driving, but I started to back seat drive. Our relationship took a hit because of me. I was exhausted all the time, I was angry and upset all the time, but we did our best for each other and our daughter. We took a hit in so many parts of our lives that just thinking about it makes me cry.

Anxiety

The one thing I refused to take a hit with was having my second child. I refused to put that away. That was a plan we made after I made annoying appointments with different doctors to find out exactly what kinds of risks I would be in, accept the extra steps I would have to make – accepted them and made the decision to go on with it. My second pregnancy was wonderful! I had to do those extra things that weren’t going according to plan but I dealt with it fine. It was the first time after my accident that the pain totally disappeared! I had the best 10 months ever! I thought the pain was gone for good and I got my life back. I was doing great mentally, making progress to gain back me. I was back to doing all the things I loved to do! There were still some issues that I had to iron out but I was doing it with more gusto and looked forward to being ‘me’ again!

Except after a couple months after giving birth to my son- the pain came back…but it didn’t come back just small. It came back like the pain I had after my car accident. One of my biggest pleasures and hope was to breast feed this baby for 2 years! The pain was awful in my neck and shoulders. I had to restart going to my Physio guy and get IMS done again so I could cling on to my son and breastfeeding. It was helping and relieving my pain. And I held on to my positive attitude that this will go away again.

It hasn’t gone away…it’s now 17months after giving birth. I refuse to let that accident take away my one joy to breast feed and I refuse to stop until he’s 2.

My Love and Joy!
My Love and Joy!

This year I made resolutions that I am sticking with, and one of them is to gain back ‘myself’. I was a happy person! I am an activist who could separate myself from the cause (which is something I’m struggling with now). I love to write, and draw, to make amazing meals for my family, I love playing the piano, I love making my mommy blogs, I love doing all this…but as time goes it’s harder and harder to remember who I was before that accident.

A few days ago, I broke down. I had the symptoms of what I thought was a heart attack- I rushed to the hospital. To learn thankfully it wasn’t a heart attack but it was indeed the worst anxiety attack I have ever experienced. I never knew a person could feel like that. My blood pressure was very high, I had troubles calming down, I kept thinking about the pain in my face so I kept myself from crying (because crying would make it worse), my neck had been hurting for days prior because I had to do more activity. And having to let go of our wage loss claim was painful- not so much because of the money but because of how unfair it was. I guess it all toppled over and my glass started to spill.

Now it’s January 11th 2016. And I don’t feel happy. I feel a bit depressed and mostly angry. My neck is hurting and I will have to probably take more Tylenol today. I will probably have to restrain myself more today and my husband will have to do my portion too. I will probably feel like not leaving the house but I’m sure my husband will do his best to get me out. I want to feel like myself- like the Lazina before the car accident. And right now, I’m breaking down. My resolutions are out the door for today as I let myself go and feel bad. I will most likely regret feeling like this later when I get my senses back, but as long as my neck is hurting today I will feel this way.

I want a Happy 34th birthday. And I will do my best to have it. But for this moment- I will just let myself feel the things I’m feeling. I have been holding it in so much thinking I was dealing with it. And now my heart races a lot, I get palpitations that are very noticeable often, my blood pressure is up, and I’m faint feeling a lot. So holding it in isn’t the right solution.

I’m going to cry on my 34th birthday because of the wrong reasons. It should be because I’m getting older or something normal like that. But I’m just freaking out because this is another year of pain and anxiety and I’m wondering how many more birthdays will this car accident take from me- take from my family. Haven’t I taken enough hits?

But as usual, I’m going to cover it up in front of my family, my friends, the outside world because this is how I am. But I hope on the Internet if someone who is searching, or a momma who has gone through what I have, see’s this will know that I feel just like them and they are not alone.

And I hope by the time dinner comes, I will have managed my pain, I will be smiling without fear for my face and my happy face won’t be a fake one.

Good Luck!
🙁

Lesson for Mommy #49:

The Perfectly Imprefect You.

I spend a good chunk of my week checking out different recipes, crafts, parenting tips etc on Pinterest and Momma bloggers. And the one thing I see a lot is ‘perfection’. I  said this a long time ago, but I’m not perfect. And seeing so much perfection all over the net from all the mommy bloggers and pinterest creates this image that you should also be able to create this perfection.

You see white walls, clean children, a hot family dinner on the table, bento lunches for the next day, and the whole house top to bottom is clean. Um where are you finding the time to do these things? My 4 year old goes to Preschool, and I have a 13month old son- who is walking, but refusing to learn sign and just fusses all the time. I’m still breastfeeding and struggling to get things done; I’m finding it so hard to even find time to do something for myself. I try really hard to maintain everything, try to get wonderful meals, keep the house clean and tidy, and also take care of my children. But it’s really hard and I’m having to sacrifice a lot. In this time I’m also struggling to maintain some pain in my neck (from a car accident a while back) thats eating up time like crazy.

ARGH! I’m even skipping re-reading what I time and correcting spelling misteakes and snetence issues…you get the idea!

So when I pinterest, I feel awful! This image of a perfect home with the white walls, with perfect kids that just seem to do what they’re supposed to do, and meals that are just so healthy makes kale feel worthless; it all just gets me down. And a lot of times their ‘how to manage time’, ‘quick fixes’ aren’t so quick or manageable at all! Just more tips on how to be perfect.

I try to remind myself though that ‘this’ is just an image. An image of perfection, it might not be reality, not even for these perfectly perfect pictures. Sure there are some momma’s who just have it all together and just get things done like BAM BAM BAM, DONE! But with the amount of pinterest momma’s out there, it gives the illusion that they all have those white walls.

No one wants to show their dirty laundry on the internet, so instead they post the picture of their folded laundry. With this age of technology we momma’s are adding so much pressure on ourselves ‘TO LOOK GOOD”. It’s not just a body image issue now. It’s an everything issue. Way too much pressure. To look good with kids on both arms, a clean home in the background, with dinner on the table and everythings all sparkley!

I have my good days where everything just rolls and it all gets done and I’m like WOW is this how those Pinterest Momma’s feel all the time. But the point is that are we really this superficial? That we need to post ‘look how perfect I am’. And even when it’s something thats a fail they post it in such a way that it doesn’t even seem like a fail….like your minions cake looks awesome even if the yellow shade is slightly off….like wtf is that even a fail? That’s a huge accomplishment and your damn cake is so freaking awesome I wish I could eat it through my laptop !

So what is reality and what is ‘just for the internet’. The fact is that even these pinterest mom’s have tough lives. They’re just doing the best they can and posting their ‘best photo’ for social media. Some often talk about how many nights of fails and effort they put into their material. They try and try even if it means sacrificing sleep- but not all of us are like that. We don’t have an audience of readers waiting to see the next great blog post. These perfect momma’s though are maybe doing more harm to themselves then good, because they may be teaching their kids image is everything, perfection is everything. Post only your triumphs not your failures. And they may be doing harm to you as the reader, a mother who is just doing the best she can too with what she has. In this age of social media, we mommy’s are just putting more and more pressure on ourselves then we need to. Why are we doing that? You don’t see fathers doing this?

There are momma’s like me who post their failures, post their hard days and the real stuff that just can’t get any more real, so there is a balance. Because with all those pictures of perfection we need a reminder of how wonderful it is to be imprefect. How amazing that unfolded laundry is. Because I would rather sacrifice folding laundry and spend my time doing crafts with my daughter. I would rather forfeit making a super duper healthy kale on kale with guinoa dinner to let my nursing son explore the pantry with me (pulling down and disorganizing everything. I hate it sometimes, but I still do it. I feel bad about it sometimes, but I still do it.

You can be a perfect mommy and still have fails. Failures and messiness is how we know we tried, and I don’t want my daughter see me perfect, I want her to see my imperfections so she knows it’s okay to be imperfect, to have flaws and failures. Why not? In her lifetime she’s going to try and fail sometimes, she’s going to gain weight, loose weight, get pimples, have people who are better at something then her, I want to give her the emotional stability to cope with that. To accept herself. I also want the same for my son. He’s not lacking because he isn’t perfect in something.

Why do we post perfection on social media? Why do we need other people to think we are perfect and everything we do is perfect. Don’t dismay and think you’re doing something wrong, because that picture with the clean white walls might just be the only white wall in their house. Don’t fret and continue being the imperfect you.

And always, Good Luck!
😀

Life Lesson for Mommy #46:

My life!

Not living Just Functioning.

It’s been a long time since I had the luxury to post. I have been living pretty pain free, just tense and sore, and perhaps a headache maybe only once or twice a week- but that’s it. I thought that this is great. But today when I finally sat down to review my calendar so I could go back and figure out what to post here, I realized it has been a very long time since I last updated.

What was eating up my time so much that it had been so long since my last post? Was it my kids, the business, life, home making etc But still I always had time in the past, what happened then?

After carefully going through everything in my calendar, I realized I was spending so much time doing stretching, magic bagging, and more stretching, on top of the never ending appointments, to driving back and fourth…I was spending so much time trying to keep the pain away that I’m not really living anymore. I’m just functioning.

This really made me sad. I love posting on my blog and I still have so much material to catch up to, material that I had written before the car accident that I haven’t had time to post up on here.

I think I would classify myself as a ‘anxious’ person. I went through postpartum anxiety after my daughter’s pregnancy went down hill. But I recovered even with a small baby, I had my amazing support and I had no physical pain so it all just came together. So why did a car accident bring me down this much. I can’t get into the details because it’s a long and kind of sad story, but I think after assessing myself for a little while this last week I realized that the physical pain was taking a toll on my mood and taking a toll on my life. Which is why I was working so hard to be pain free… but now I’m not living like I want to. I’m spending a lot of time trying to stop the pain from happening at all or lessening it.

Breast feeding is supposed to be a happy wonderful bonding time, I enjoyed breastfeeding my daughter so so much. And had it not been the car accident I wouldn’t have had to stop. But this time around breastfeeding my son with all this pain, that I’m finding myself saying ‘I hope he gets off soon’…which is something I would have never said before. I…I don’t like this. I thought I was making real head ways in terms of getting my emotions on track and letting things go and moving on. I also thought I was becoming more zen in terms of positive thinking and telling myself that there is not going to be any more pain in my neck. I make it like some sad motto everyday and its’ helped, but I realize now that it’s because I’m doing so much to prevent it.

I’m finding it hard to accept again. And instead of coming on here and posting something meaningful for other momma’s to read and learn from, I’m posting how frustrated I am at myself as a person, as a woman and as a mom. Why can’t I be stronger then this? I decided not to stretch today and see where I am in terms of pain. And it’s creeping up fast on me. I haven’t had to take a Tylenol yet because I’m mentally warding off the pain by telling myself “I feel nothing”  and I also think I have become used to this type of pain- as sad as that sounds…But this pain is very much real. It’s a soreness, a tightness, it actually feels like my neck to my shoulder is swollen.

So what can I do right this moment after piecing this together? How can I cut down my neck maintenance time and start living and doing what I want to do? I guess the first step would be to stop being in denial about it.

Address it and deal with it.

I will up my water intake, since it does help with inflammation in the body and it’s good for me.

I will also go back to taking turmeric in my diet instead of relying on pills.

I will also stretch only morning, afternoon and before bed. I will try to train my body, my neck in particular to loosen up and stay loosened.

And the biggest one: I will also have to come to terms with the fact that I will have to take the injections my doctor suggested. It’s not my ideal but I cannot live like this: to avoid pain spend so much time avoiding it and not living.

I guess that’s what mothers have to do with hurdles. You just have to deal with them. I will try this method to deal with it. Because what I am doing right now isn’t the solution that works for me. If I am going to live properly, then I have to get this neck to do what I want it to do, and that is be loose, comfortable and pain free. I want to spend more time with my daughter doing crafts, enjoy breastfeeding my son, and do my blog, help my husband with the company, and just enjoy and cherish life like I used to.

I don’t know why I turned this way? Perhaps the stresses after the accident piled up and warped my personality? Maybe it was just the last one thing I could take? Maybe this was how I react to being thrown off the cliff- hold on to freaking anything and stay there as long as possible until someone saves me. I’m not going to wait there on that cliff, I’m really going to try to make the effort to climb up. And I will climb up.

I have so much more then what I’m living out of life. My husband and I have big dreams that a lot of people can only dream of. We are hell bent on making a reality. In order to achieve those goals, I have to be the kind of person who can adapt and change as I need to.

I guess there is no lesson in this. But maybe the lesson can be that if you aren’t living the way you want and just functioning; you’re not getting the full potential out of life. So if by making small changes, we can slowly achieve that goal of living, why not try it. My old self would have put the most negative spin on this, that there’s probably no point, the pain isn’t going to go away, and why did this have to happen to me etc

But I’m not that person anymore- no I’m not going down that stupid mental spiral. I will love this body and love this life and LIVE IT. I won’t let the poor decision of someone who couldn’t respect the road, to change my life to the point where I can’t enjoy it.

I think the lesson for me would be, to not let this accident take another year, another month, another day, another hour from me. These seconds, months and years belong to me and I don’t want to look back at my calendar and wonder- what did I do with me time?

Good Luck!
😀