Life Lessons for Mommy: #145:

Playroom for kids with Teepee and garlands

Playtime Tents!

My daughters been making forts and making tents these days. I don’t know what it is with forts and kids, but we all made them and gosh darnit they were good old fun! It’s always with blankets and pillows and using furniture to hold it all up. And then her little brother comes and godzilla’s it breaking her little heart.

She still didn’t ask for a tent just help with building one and making sure her little brother didn’t come and bulldoze it. I would help her make it, and it barely fit both of us and any slight movement always forced it down. She was getting frustrated.  And I felt bad. Like iI posted earlier, I did a major overhaul of her toys and now she’s forced to create a more imaginative play time, so I felt like she needed something to pull her space together.

I got the idea finally that I should just buy her a tent! A little space of her own that can’t be bulldozed down by a curious little brother. A cute little spot in her room where she can serve tea to her dolly and teddy bear. Or read books, or draw! It really was the perfect idea! When I told her about it, she was ecstatic!

So I went on the hunt for a cute little tent! And found out pretty fast that tents for kids are pretty pricey! Really cute one like this are like crazy expensive and didn’t have as much space as the picture looks.

Cute but crazy Pricey!!!

And even though I said it was for her, she wanted something my son could play inside too (such a big heart!). So it had to be somewhat gender neutral and big enough for 2 toddlers but also compact enough to fit in a small space. Since they’re kids, they’re going to be rough with it so honestly I didn’t focus on quality too much, just something sturdy and would last a few years.

I also found really easy to follow DIY on making a teepee – this one is crazy easy! I might still do this for my son!

I spent time like a crazy budget momma on the hunt for the best price for the right tent. The options were:

1) This awesome tent, that could fit multiple kids, but not tall enough and lets face it this tent is more outdoors not really for a bedroom.
2) This was perfect in size and thought for sure this was the one- but my daughter pointed out it didn’t look like a tent.

Finally, I found the right one for my daughter! It looked like a little teepee tent. It was the perfect size for both kids, and tall enough too! And the price was just right. Because come on, it’s a tent, and as much as I want to give her the best of the best, I don’t want to drop her school tuition for the future for a tent today- am I right!? It’s more of a teepee then a tent but it still fit ‘fort like’ theme she wanted. And with tons of options for girls or boys or neutral colours like white.

I purchased it and like 3 days it was here! And it’s not that hard to set up!

We decided not to buy play balls for it, and decided to keep her space tidy and free of a lot of clutter- she has troubles with clutter. I think the tent makes a nice addition to her room. Only downside is that it’s not foldable or portable, but I know myself, I’m not going to be taking tents to many places so no big deal.

I honestly bought the cheapest and best tent I could find on amazon, but you can go through and find the one that’s right for you. Keep in mind though, kids can get rough and it might break so don’t break the bank just for a kids tent.

Oh here’s a link to the one I got, it’s right here– it’s really pretty!

Neutral and cute for any room!
Neutral and cute for any room!

My daughter still does make forts- because lets face it, forts are fun! But with this little tent, its a cozy little spot to make imaginative play even more creative and fun!

Good Luck!
😀

Life Lessons For Mommy# 53:

My Resolutions is to Stop Making Resolutions

Every New Year I make the same resolutions and never keep it. Sure the first month is great and I’m sticking to my resolutions like a Spartan. But as the months goes by, life gets in the way and my resolutions slowly slip away. And then at the end of that year, I say “Next Year is the Year man! I’m totally gonna do it!” …and the mad cycle goes and goes year after year and I’m still not back to my 20 year old body, nor do I have that successful blog with amazing content, nor have I painted or done a great job in teaching my kids the piano, made my mommy videos- OH GOD this is just depressing.

And that’s the thing, these un-fulfilled resolutions is basically  year long goals that never get met. I set the bar so high that I’m almost certain to fail or lose motivation. So when Dec. 31st 2015 happened I was panicking and feeling really anxious. I wrote down this

1) Gonna start my 2016 diet to loose weight, get back my body.
2) Gonna make blog posts regularly once a week with great pictures and DIY’s
3) I’m going to start my mommy videos
4) Going to not be anxious
5) Going to paint and watch less TV
6) Going to get my son to stop breastfeeding
7) Going to make fresh meals everyday
8) Going to save more money
9) Do a better job of maintaining the house.
10) Play with my kids more often.
11) Not have so much neck and face pain

Look at all the crazy stuff I’m doing. I know at first glance this seems like reasonable things to make resolutions of …but what I’m doing is putting a intense amount of pressure on myself. I know myself the best. And I know my lifestyle, my work and my home the best and I know that looking at this list makes me already very anxious. Can I really do all this if I try really hard? It sounds like I can because I feel super pumped for the new year. But already 5 days into Jan 2016 and I’ve already screwed up #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #10 and #11…yeah I’ve only kept my word on #9- maintaining my house better. Like this sucks. And I know it’s only been 5 days and each day is a golden opportunity to do better, but this isn’t working. After all resolutions are meant to be done day by day, and having will power to achieve it each day.

But here’s what’s happening…my neck is killing me a lot. I’m trying to avoid going on anxiety medication because I’m still breastfeeding and don’t want to stop. I’m getting headaches and I am taking Tylenol almost every week again to stop the headaches when my neck tightens up. As a side affect of this pain, I’m feeling low and grumpy and unmotivated. I get batches of willpower where I push through and continue on by making a great salad and dinner but then get so tired of the pain of making that dinner and salad that I forfeit time with my kids and just do what I have to.

Then comes the midnight snack, the last week or so my mind has been not in a good place…going from thing to thing because an car accident I was in 3 years ago is still affecting my life and having to give up our wage loss claim in order to protect our customers and the company has just set a bad fire in my heart. I’m upset and when I think about how cruel this world is, I wonder if I should work on the script to my mommy video or eat something….I picked eat something.

A lot of my life is being controlled by how my body feels and how my mental state is, and I am trying to combat that. But when I see my list of resolutions slipping already in the first 5 days because of a car accident 3 years ago- I fall more into anxiety and a black hole of no motivation, no will power.

It’s awful. I feel awful. I have become so accustomed to smiling at everything that I’m finding myself smiling even as I type this…but I really just want to cry. It sucks. Why did I make a list like this? Did I want to mentally abuse myself? That’s ridiculous!

So what can I do right now, to just lift myself up and stop this chain of 5 days from continuing on any further.

I know some people will say you just have to have courage and the will to do it- well what if you have lost those in a car accident? They will say you have to tell yourself and be mindful and meditate to get zen- well what if the hardships following that accident made you so jaded in character that you no longer able to get zen without an ativan. What if all the psychology tips and science is failing you? Get medicated they will probably say I guess. But that’s not even an option I can accept.

Here’s what my husband told me after I spoke to him about all this, everything I wrote here I told him and he felt the same because he’s also still in pain and carrying the burden for me and the family…his advice was to stop making this kind of resolutions and just live with small goals. Make goals you can keep. Simple things like what I wrote in my master list (a big poster board of small things and big things I can do every day that will help me to get things done).

I made this master list with 3 categories : Work, Home, Health.
Small things like “don’t wear black today” to big things like “Start Chinese Ad Campaign” And this has been helping me to achieve my resolutions but just in a different way.

I now have a revamped Resolution for 2016. But they are not resolutions, they are going to be Things I’m Going to Achieve!

1) Eat Healthy and binge less
2) Pray more and be more spiritually whole
3) Go outside and Breath well
4) Exercise 20 minutes every 2nd day, focus on breathing.
5) Spend less on clothes, toys, luxuries and use it on good whole foods.
6) Make batch meals and freeze meals
7) Give my daughter some simple chores that will cut work for me & we’ll get to spend time together
8) Do yoga for 10mins with my daughter every Wednesday
9) Write a journal to myself, my husband and the kids every Friday about our week and tell them all the things I’m thankful and love in this life
10) Manage my pain by telling my pain it will not control me or my life, just take Tylenol without feeling guilty
11) Start driving more and experiencing more roads.
12) Tell my negative thoughts I have more positive thoughts.
13) Become the me before the car accident.
14) Write small bits each day for at least 1 post for the weekend for my blog.
This is a much better looking list. This list doesn’t make me feel as pressured or horrible. I feel like I can achieve this, all I have to do is pick 1 each day to follow through with. And by the end of the week when I write my journal every friday I will be able to talk a bit more about positive things rather then about my pain and negativity. I won’t pressure myself. I will feel what I feel that day and accept it. More then diet, I need to breath and exercise. My food will mean nothing if I don’t open up my lungs and stretch my body and fill my mind with some good hormones!

So there it is! My things I will achieve this year! If you have set resolutions that make you feel more sad then glad, then change it. Change it so that you can achieve it and feel like a new you each day. You’re going to have bad days and set backs, that’s just the natural thing that’s going to happen. But I think with proper mental training, I can achieve it all.

Good Luck!
😀

Life Lesson For Mommy #52:

Earthquake Ready

This is for my friends and family and anyone who experienced the Earthquake last night in BC. I have always been prepared for disasters that are relevant to my area and the ‘big one’ is what I prepared for.

The Canadian government (Harpers Gov’t) had basically said that you are on your own and they will be only focusing on the most devastated areas first, which is the Downtown Vancouver and Richmond areas. If you are outside of that area like in Burnaby, Surrey and further out, you will get help last and be the last to get proper supplies, so make sure you are ready.

I think when I first posted this list people probably thought ‘meh’ and didn’t think twice about it, but I think now that they have experienced what a small earthquake feels like, it is scary and very real. It probably reminded them that they are not ready and had this been the epic one that is scientifically being expected, it could have been bad.

So here is the comprehensive list, it has almost everything you can freaking imagine but tailor it to your family. Make your own list based off this list and then shop and order what you need. Remember the gov’t of Canada says 72 hours where as most earthquake sites and prepper sites say nope with the kind of damage that is being expected be prepared for 3 months. If you are in the Tsunami zone, make proper arrangements for that as well. Don’t be living in the delusion that you will have the normal necessasities- like toilets and running water, you might not have those if power stations and water reserves are damaged. You might be thinking it’s not going to be that bad – we ll scientists would argue with you saying no it’s over due like by 100 years, it’s going to be bad and very bad.

Also keep in mind, if you have children in school make sure to talk to their teachers about teaching kids about earthquake safety. And make a plan about how you are going to meet your kids, if you are going to get them etc Where to meet, how to meet, who is going to get who etc etc should be part of this earthquake preparedness.

If I have missed something please comment so that I can add it!
So here is the list:

Copy and paste this into a document, I’m sorry I haven’t paid proper attention in building this site (I got kids dammit) but I will try to make it updated so that you can just print it. But for now, copy paste, and be prepared.

Good Luck 😀

Earthquake and Tsunami List

For the house – BugOut Bag: (this is if you need to grab your bags and run! Some people in the Katrina floods had to flee their home on a moments notice, those who had these things could fend for themselves and not rely completely on aid. Standing in hours of line ups etc is not easy with kids. Consider making one.)

2 backpacks and one duffel bag (this covers a family of 4)

  1. 2 flannel blankets
  2. small pot
  3. small pan
  4. dried foods (granola bars, nuts mix)
  5. Medical kit (including adult thermometer, cotton balls, antibiotic pads, band-aids etc)
  6. matches or fire starters
  7. 3 large garbage bags (the black ones)
  8. advil & tylenol +(baby medicine)
  9. penicillin (if someone is injured this could safe your life)
  10. benedryl (baby)
  11. lotion (baby)
  12. emergency prescription glasses (if you wear them)
  13. Water purifier canteen or water tablets and water bottles
  14. 2shirts, 2sweaters,2 comfortable pants, 2runners,underwear, socks for each person (parents and kids)
  15. flash lights
  16. batteries
  17. diapers & wipes
  18. cooking set (it’s a small set that can be bought from any camping store)
  19. 2 manual can openers
  20. work gloves
  21. hammer & nails
  22. bungee cord
  23. 3 space blankets
  24. compass – no joke it’s recommended so do it
  25. 2 small mirrors
  26. Disinfecting wipes & GEL
  27. Potty/sanitation tablets/wipes – found in camping store
  28. small scissors
  29. tweezers & nail cutters – trust me you need this

This seems like a lot, but it’s mostly small items or foldable items and fits well between all 3 bags. Distribute to fit.

 

STABLE KIT (for the house, leave in shed easily accessible closet, this is the major portion of your kit and should last 3 months)

(Food & Shelter)

  1. Non perishable foods- canned meat, canned goods, boxed foods
  2. Rice and flour in small air tight containers
  3. Water bottles (not expired) and water purifiers
  4. Filtering system for water or water bottles (Camping stores have tablets)
  5. Generator (optional)
  6. propane tank & small BBQ set (should be full for emergency)
  7. inflatable boat
  8. 2 sleeping bags
  9. batteries
  10. small pot
  11. small pan
  12. prescription medicine
  13. vegetable or canola oil (for cooking and fire) do not stock olive oil and sensitive oils.
  14. ER prescription glasses
  15. advil & tylenol (kids too)
  16. penicillin
  17. benedryl (kids baby)
  18. 1 life vests (+child)
  19. Toilet paper double wrap with plastic wrap
  20. squirtable bottle for cleaning after washroom
  21. woodplanks- scrapes in shed
  22. 5 garbage bags
  23. 2 small shovel (flat head and pointed)
  24. 2 big knives
  25. baseball bat
  26. matches and fire starters
  27. 2 thin but warm blankets
  28. hot water bottle
  29. diapers & wipes
  30. baby rash gel
  31. baby lotion & your lotion
  32. Vaseline & cotton balls (fire starters)
  33. Aloe gel or Polysporin
  34. candles & candle holders
  35. camping tent (4 people)
  36. portable stove top with small propane
  37. 2 manual can openers
  38. rubbing alcohol
  39. 2 vodka and red wine bottles
  40. work gloves
  41. hammer and nails
  42. crowbar
  43. tweezers & nail cutter
  44. compass
  45. bungee rope
  46. Potty/Sanitation tablets/bags/ wipes- if the toilets don’t run you have to make sure you are still hygienic to avoid bacterial infections and poisonous situation.
  47. ax
  48. filled cherry gas can (use and refill every 3 months)

 

(medical aid portion for stable kit)

  1. non latex gloves
  2. sterile gauges and bandages
  3. antibiotic wipes and antibacterial
  4. burn ointment
  5. medical tape (adhesive bandages)
  6. thermometer
  7. scissors
  8. tweezers
  9. diarrhea medication
  10. Tums & anti acid
  11. coco water tetra packs
  12. female pads (large and small sizes)
  13. soap in a bottle and shampoo
  14. 3 large towels
  15. insect spray
  16. insect repellent candles
  17. cotton buds
  18. copes of birth certificates, citizen ship cards, SIN #, carecard #’s
  19. Take out $1000 cash small denominations
  20. record of bank acct #’s, local fire stations/ help stations#’s, stock holdings, savings acct, deposit box list

 

Bug out kit For Car, prepare as if you will have to travel in car

  1. 2 blankets
  2. flashlights
  3. water bottles or water treatment tablets
  4. canned food or dried food
  5. 2 manual can openers
  6. diapers & wipes
  7. 1 sleeping bag or large blanket, Emergency silver blanket
  8. matches/ fire starters
  9. small pan with lid
  10. advil & tylenol (kids too)
  11. your lotion, baby lotion
  12. vaseline & cotton balls
  13. sweater,pants, socks, shoes, underwear, baby clothes (1 set each member)
  14. batteries
  15. small cherry can gas (empty for easy filling)
  16. paper and pens
  17. toilet paper
  18. puffs tissue
  19. compass
  20. rope
  21. 1 car charger
  22. crowbar
  23. whistle
  24. antibacterial wipes
  25. rubbing alcohol & bandaids
  26. Compact First aid kit

Things to keep in mind.
Bundle your clothes in plastic bags or large zip lock bags to keep them dry and safe.

Try to store all your medical stuff together wherever possible, but if it doesn’t fit all in your bug out bags, spread them out but keep a laminated or ‘taped’ list in a pocket of the bag so you know where things are.

Make a Safety check list for yourself, so you know the ‘unsafe’ areas of your home and ‘safe’ area’s of your home. Like large windows and places where things are packed high, you do not want to be near these areas or clear them out of the path to your exist.

I didn’t include cell phones and chargers in this list because you’re going to lose power on these pretty quickly. But make sure you have extra cell phone batteries and chargers in your car and bug out bag. Should you need to go to a shelter you at least have the option of charging your phone or swapping batteries to use for emergencies.

If your house is is considered safe- if it hasn’t been destroyed or in danger of fire or walls or ceiling fallings; use your ‘Stable home’ kit after you use the supplies at home. If you are in a part of the house that is safe and can’t use the unsafe portions, then use your stable home kit- for when you can’t access heat, cook food, or use the tap water or toilets.

You bug out bag should be taken with you if you are going to use your car even if you already have a bug out car kit. The more supplies you have the longer you can manage on your own without help from crowded and dangerous shelters. Be sure to always park in a large open field area to cook outdoors or use the washroom.

If someone is injured even if it’s a small wound you should still seek medical help at a Emergency station or the hospital. Most cities are equipped and have plans in order to turn schools and stadiums into medical stations and shelters. Please make sure to keep a copy of this list in your bug out bag.

You should also print and put into your bug out bags a copy of basic medical issues and how to treat them. Small burns, small wounds, cuts, bleeding and if you can take a course on emergency medical aid. It can save your life or someone else’s.

If you have small children, please have a talk about what an earthquake is, how we plan and deal with one and arm them with knowledge of where things are and where they are supposed to go. Telling them where they are and how and when you will get to them or who will get to them will help ease their tensions and fear during an earthquake.

Destress! The last thing you want to do is make this an epic nightmare for yourself. Yes it is a serious thing and we do need to prepare properly- this isn’t a joke, we have seen thousands of people suffer greatly during natural disasters and earthquakes are one of the most severe forms. So do treat it seriously. But don’t kill yourself over it. The better you plan and prepare, the more relaxed and at ease you will be.

Life Lessons For Mommy #51:

My Mental Fat

Baby Fat After Baby

I lost weight believe it or not during both my pregnancies and not just a little. Almost 30lbs each pregnancy because of the strict gestational diabetes diet. Both my babies came out perfect, and I was slimmer and looked better then when I wasn’t pregnant. It was great- I felt great. But soon I started to pack back on the weight. With both my babies I always picked sleep over anything else. Do I get up to wash dishes or sleep- let’s sleep. Do I fold laundry or sleep- let’s sleep. Do I shower or sleep- let’s sleep. I zzzz ‘d whenever I could, my son is still so demanding (and he’s almost 16 months now). My milk supply not too great and him being colic and rejecting the bottle- it was becoming a little hell for me in the beginning. So I did what I always do under stress and anxiety- I ate.
Sometimes I over ate good stuff like polishing off 5 carrots and 2 apples. And sometimes I ate bad stuff, like stuffing a piece of apple pie into my face and then washing that down with some cookies and the biggest most epic mug of hot chocolate with marshmallows…don’t you judge me dammit.

I did it because I found no comfort in anything else. Everything I love and found peace in was stripped away from me because my time was being consumed day and night by a baby boy that just didn’t know what restraint was, a toddler that needed me suddenly all the time; and pain from a car accident that came back with horrible vengeance after the pregnancy relaxing hormones left my body.

My momma blog took a back seat for 6 months of no updates. My toddler who was craving more attention from me meant I had to cut my nap time and me time out completely. I also had to invest in so much time managing my neck and face pain and trying to stop headaches. I stopped making time to watch comedy which used to be my anxiety killer. I stopped drawing, I stopped writing, I stopped playing the piano, going out, making real meals, I replaced that all with just eating. It was the only thing that I could do while doing something else and it made me feel better. I knew my blood pressure from preeclampsia was bad and for the 3 months after my son was born I struggled to keep calm, to not eat badly and all that went down the drain when I could no longer support a ‘healthy lifestyle’ with everything else going on. Time was not on my side and as a side effect, food filled me. The baby fat wasn’t just on my baby. I was jiggling from all sides but not giggling hilariously about it.

Keeping it Together

When I weighed myself finally after my son turned a year, I realized I had packed back on 17lbs. That’s right, you read that right, I gained back 17lbs in a year, a freaking year. I felt like total garbage, but still couldn’t do anything about. It was easy for people to say things like ‘it was get better’, or ‘don’t worry just schedule better’, or ‘just manage your meals better’, ‘make time for yourself’’, ‘don’t worry, don’t worry, don’t worry’. It felt like no one understood what was happening to me.
What was the tipper in all this was the pain in my neck, shoulders and face. After my car accident 3 years ago, I got ‘bells palsy’ related to stress of the accident. The left side of my face literally stopped working, and had to take steroids and antivirals to get it working again. It was a nightmare and I still have pain to this day when I get tired or stressed. I honestly feel that had that accident never happened, I would be more with it. But it did happen, and now it was becoming mentally and physically insane. But this is what I have to deal with and somehow I have to keep it together.

But I wasn’t keeping it together. I was just eating and eating. Filling my stomach to the point where I felt like throwing up sometimes. I would get nauseous and feel bad about myself and get more stressed out about my blood pressure after I ate chips….I knew it was bad but I just couldn’t stop myself. My brain knew and understood what was happening but it just didn’t give a crap about the information and I kept on eating.

I felt like crap after every ‘food session’ I had. And it brought my self esteem down, it took a toll on me mentally in ways I think people chalk off as post partum when it wasn’t. It was anxiety eating, it was maybe a little depression but it wasn’t all because of my baby. It was everything. I told myself I feel like crap because I look like crap and therefore I am crap- I mean come on look at my thighs and this stomach- argh… Every Time I saw my cheeks getting bigger in the mirror I felt like eating to make myself feel better. It was a nasty disgusting sad cycle. And I knew nothing was ‘together’ about me at all.

Focusing On My Mentality Not My Body

I was doing a lot of things wrong, but the main thing I was doing wrong was focusing on my body and feeling only how my body looked. I realized that I’m not even addressing my mental health, I’m not focusing on how I feel and tackling that.
Yes I don’t have time, yes I’m totally bombarded with physical pain, baby, toddler, home, work, life in general but why was I only feeling the worst about my looks. With all that other stuff happening right in front, why was I only focusing on my body weight which was in the background. This isn’t right. What the hell was wrong with me, thinking that being slim was being the ideal me. I did feel good when I had lost those 30lbs, I felt great, but I only felt like that because I looked slim and pretty, my health was still high blood pressure from preeclampsia. Looking good meant so much to me that when I started to gain weight I felt like crap even though my health was getting better. Why am I doing that to myself?  Why couldn’t I just look in mirror and be like I’m fine the way I am, I’m going through some things and I will continue to do my best but how big I am isn’t going to be the reason I feel good or bad about myself. I’m finding food as my comfort and that should be what I tackle, not how much I weigh.
I need to tackle my mental fat rather than my physical fat because let’s face it no matter how skinny you are doesn’t mean you feel better at all. But if your mind is healthy, you will feel amazing no matter what size you are.

Teaching Myself Self Control

The house always needs cleaning, the kids are always messy, I’m in constant anxiety of my pain and the car, but the messiest thing in my life was me. My mind was in shambles. That was the first thing I was going to tackle.
First step is to learn self control all over again. Yes self control is something you have to teach yourself and practice. For someone like me, it’s very hard and every day is a mind battle ground. Mindfulness and being in the now has always been hard for me because as an anxious person I am always thinking about what will happen and the ‘what if’s’ so much that I can’t just enjoy now. I need to fix that. I need to get my eating under control and I’m not going to do something rash like “no carbs, no sugar, no flavour or happiness diet”. I was just going to do the only thing that made some sense right this moment and that is LIMIT. I would eat, but I’m not going to eat out of control. If I’m going to eat a piece of apple pie, it’s going to be a small piece and no cookies and other yummies after. If I’m going to just breastfeed all day and night I’m going to watch something or do something at the same time so I’m not sitting and thinking about eating. I am going to re-teach myself that food is for living, not for stuffing because I’m anxious. It’s going to be hard, I’m going to have days where I totally loose but I’m going to try and try my damn hardest. Because I do love myself, and I do want to be healthy and beautiful but not just in terms of physical, but also mentally.
I was fat shaming myself in the most horrible way, in one end I was eating out of control and then feeling like crap for doing it and then feeling worse when I saw the results of my out of control eating. It was a horrible fat shaming cycle that needed to end.
I no longer look in the mirror and feel bad about my body fat, I embrace it. This is me too. The results of putting my kids before me, putting my husband, his business, the house and everything else before me. I shouldn’t feel bad about this result, it’s a freaking badge of honor. And I’m going to try to get more badges of honor, the next one will be conquering my anxiety and control my eating so that I feel more in control.
If I don’t lose weight from just this, that’s okay because the fat that accumulated in my brain from all this self hate has to be the first thing to go. And I will brain fat shame myself to being mentally healthy, and hopefully as a result I will love myself more and teach my kids that being mentally healthy plays a big role in how physically healthy you are. And no matter what size you are, you have to love yourself because loving you is the start to being you. if you can’t love yourself because you think you’re fat, then you’ll lose to fat shaming yourself and trust me; it’s not pretty.

Lesson for Mommy #48:

Don’t Be A Racist

The friend who I wrote “STOP, Don’t BreastFeed in Public” for, turned out to be kinda racist. Well maybe not racist, but anti-immigrant and anti-anything that is not white.

The people who stopped her from breastfeeding in public according to her, were immigrants apparently and like normal racist judgment, that means only non-whites could ever stop her from breastfeeding in public. I have a lot I want to say about her situation in particular and I don’t disagree: that these people should have never stopped her and they should be better educated as new immigrants into the country about the social laws of that country; and more importantly should be educated by the company about their policies. That’s not their fault. The system failed them, they company failed them, so in turn they failed this breast feeding momma.

I was very upset about the way she talked about immigrants, using inflammatory terms like ‘some black guy with an accent I couldn’t understand’. It just set off a weird instinct that may be predisposed- but damn this is getting racist is what I thought. And what’s worse, is that her daughter and older son were right there while she’s saying these things.

If these are her feelings against her fellow human beings that are not ‘white’, then she’s going to inadvertently teach her kids to be racist, to look down on people who aren’t white. And this is a very big problem.

If you’re racist, as a side affect you teach your children to be racist- whether intentionally or unintentionally. You are growing the next generation of bigoted ignorant fools. And with the world mixing, people blending and living together, these aren’t the values you should be teaching. Love, harmony, co-existence and respect is something every human has the right to.  I don’t want to get into the gritty history of this, but white folks, unless you’re still in Europe, you are all immigrants. If you’re white and you’re living in a different country then what you were born in- you’re an immigrant. Although the word ‘expat’ is thrown around a lot, that’s just a nice way of saying immigrant.

I also don’t want to remind these racist folks slavery’s long and rampant history that continues today anytime a ‘white man’ calls a ‘non white man’ a racist term. So why teach your kids these horrible things. Saying discriminatory things even if in the slightest is still teaching them that their ‘white skin’ is somehow better.

This friend of mine, wasn’t even all that racist, and had been a friend of mine for so long- so to hear her say these kinds of things really shook me. I even asked myself, are all white people a little racist inside even the one’s who aren’t racist? Is this natural? Should I accept this? But what about her daughter- who is this pure innocent beautiful little girl. I don’t want that little girl to grow up having a “little” racism against my son because he’s not white.

Think about it. What are you teaching your kids about other people- other skin colors, other races, religion? Have you ever fallen into the trap of saying ‘that stupid Chinese guy can’t drive’. It could be a small insignificant joke but to your child it’s pre-prep to a bias, to a bigotry that you may not even know you are instilling.

And racism isn’t limited to just Caucasian people- no ethnic people can be racist too against white people and other ethnics. Trust me I’ve lived it and seen it. And you don’t want your ethnic children feeling that white people are better or lesser then them- both are dangerous. Equals, that’s the message that we should be teaching.

When my daughter was younger, for whatever reason seemed to be a little afraid of black people and brown people with turbans and beards. And I didn’t accept that from her. I told her, there is nothing to be afraid of, they are people just like you. They have feelings just like you, and they live just like you. How they dress, what their skin colour is means nothing. I would explain to her that she is also a different color and that momma is brown and daddy is Chinese and you are a beautiful blend of both of us. And that man is black and beautiful and this man is not and still beautiful. It’s a tricky place because at the same time I was telling her don’t talk to strangers and don’t go with strangers…tricky indeed.

But it paid off, she has this wonderful sense of human pride. She plays with all kids of different ethnic backgrounds and doesn’t shy away or gravitate to a particular race. Like innocent children, her opinions about a particular person isn’t stemming from what they look like, but how they treat her. “Devon” a male classmate is white and he’s like a bff – best boy friend right now; and she loves playing with him and he loves playing with her. Then there are 2 other children she plays with who are from other backgrounds, one of them who can’t speak English all that well but my daughter doesn’t see that as an issue at all- somehow she just knows what this kid is saying. They all just play with each other and hug good bye at the end of the day- like lovely wonderful human beings.

That’s what the world should be like! That’s what we all should be teaching our kids! There should be no ‘inner racist’ that suddenly comes out when someone does something. I have to admit I have caught myself saying ‘typical white guy mentality’ and I had to stop and recheck myself- what the heck am I even saying. This isn’t right, just because a group of white people may have a certain belief or hold a certain value, that does NOT mean that ALL white people share that belief or value. In fact, just because this friend who I have known for a long time turned out to be a little racist, doesn’t mean that any of my other white friends are the same.

And I will not teach my kids that discrimination is okay and that being a racist because historically we were oppressed is okay. How  we view other people and what we say about other people impacts our children. And I don’t want my kids to turn into the kind of people who hurt someone based on their colour, race, religion or sexual orientation.

I won’t be a racist and you shouldn’t be one too.

Good Luck!
😀