My Resolutions is to Stop Making Resolutions
Every New Year I make the same resolutions and never keep it. Sure the first month is great and I’m sticking to my resolutions like a Spartan. But as the months goes by, life gets in the way and my resolutions slowly slip away. And then at the end of that year, I say “Next Year is the Year man! I’m totally gonna do it!” …and the mad cycle goes and goes year after year and I’m still not back to my 20 year old body, nor do I have that successful blog with amazing content, nor have I painted or done a great job in teaching my kids the piano, made my mommy videos- OH GOD this is just depressing.
And that’s the thing, these un-fulfilled resolutions is basically year long goals that never get met. I set the bar so high that I’m almost certain to fail or lose motivation. So when Dec. 31st 2015 happened I was panicking and feeling really anxious. I wrote down this
1) Gonna start my 2016 diet to loose weight, get back my body.
2) Gonna make blog posts regularly once a week with great pictures and DIY’s
3) I’m going to start my mommy videos
4) Going to not be anxious
5) Going to paint and watch less TV
6) Going to get my son to stop breastfeeding
7) Going to make fresh meals everyday
8) Going to save more money
9) Do a better job of maintaining the house.
10) Play with my kids more often.
11) Not have so much neck and face pain
Look at all the crazy stuff I’m doing. I know at first glance this seems like reasonable things to make resolutions of …but what I’m doing is putting a intense amount of pressure on myself. I know myself the best. And I know my lifestyle, my work and my home the best and I know that looking at this list makes me already very anxious. Can I really do all this if I try really hard? It sounds like I can because I feel super pumped for the new year. But already 5 days into Jan 2016 and I’ve already screwed up #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #10 and #11…yeah I’ve only kept my word on #9- maintaining my house better. Like this sucks. And I know it’s only been 5 days and each day is a golden opportunity to do better, but this isn’t working. After all resolutions are meant to be done day by day, and having will power to achieve it each day.
But here’s what’s happening…my neck is killing me a lot. I’m trying to avoid going on anxiety medication because I’m still breastfeeding and don’t want to stop. I’m getting headaches and I am taking Tylenol almost every week again to stop the headaches when my neck tightens up. As a side affect of this pain, I’m feeling low and grumpy and unmotivated. I get batches of willpower where I push through and continue on by making a great salad and dinner but then get so tired of the pain of making that dinner and salad that I forfeit time with my kids and just do what I have to.
Then comes the midnight snack, the last week or so my mind has been not in a good place…going from thing to thing because an car accident I was in 3 years ago is still affecting my life and having to give up our wage loss claim in order to protect our customers and the company has just set a bad fire in my heart. I’m upset and when I think about how cruel this world is, I wonder if I should work on the script to my mommy video or eat something….I picked eat something.
A lot of my life is being controlled by how my body feels and how my mental state is, and I am trying to combat that. But when I see my list of resolutions slipping already in the first 5 days because of a car accident 3 years ago- I fall more into anxiety and a black hole of no motivation, no will power.
It’s awful. I feel awful. I have become so accustomed to smiling at everything that I’m finding myself smiling even as I type this…but I really just want to cry. It sucks. Why did I make a list like this? Did I want to mentally abuse myself? That’s ridiculous!
So what can I do right now, to just lift myself up and stop this chain of 5 days from continuing on any further.
I know some people will say you just have to have courage and the will to do it- well what if you have lost those in a car accident? They will say you have to tell yourself and be mindful and meditate to get zen- well what if the hardships following that accident made you so jaded in character that you no longer able to get zen without an ativan. What if all the psychology tips and science is failing you? Get medicated they will probably say I guess. But that’s not even an option I can accept.
Here’s what my husband told me after I spoke to him about all this, everything I wrote here I told him and he felt the same because he’s also still in pain and carrying the burden for me and the family…his advice was to stop making this kind of resolutions and just live with small goals. Make goals you can keep. Simple things like what I wrote in my master list (a big poster board of small things and big things I can do every day that will help me to get things done).
I made this master list with 3 categories : Work, Home, Health.
Small things like “don’t wear black today” to big things like “Start Chinese Ad Campaign” And this has been helping me to achieve my resolutions but just in a different way.
I now have a revamped Resolution for 2016. But they are not resolutions, they are going to be Things I’m Going to Achieve!
1) Eat Healthy and binge less
2) Pray more and be more spiritually whole
3) Go outside and Breath well
4) Exercise 20 minutes every 2nd day, focus on breathing.
5) Spend less on clothes, toys, luxuries and use it on good whole foods.
6) Make batch meals and freeze meals
7) Give my daughter some simple chores that will cut work for me & we’ll get to spend time together
8) Do yoga for 10mins with my daughter every Wednesday
9) Write a journal to myself, my husband and the kids every Friday about our week and tell them all the things I’m thankful and love in this life
10) Manage my pain by telling my pain it will not control me or my life, just take Tylenol without feeling guilty
11) Start driving more and experiencing more roads.
12) Tell my negative thoughts I have more positive thoughts.
13) Become the me before the car accident.
14) Write small bits each day for at least 1 post for the weekend for my blog.
This is a much better looking list. This list doesn’t make me feel as pressured or horrible. I feel like I can achieve this, all I have to do is pick 1 each day to follow through with. And by the end of the week when I write my journal every friday I will be able to talk a bit more about positive things rather then about my pain and negativity. I won’t pressure myself. I will feel what I feel that day and accept it. More then diet, I need to breath and exercise. My food will mean nothing if I don’t open up my lungs and stretch my body and fill my mind with some good hormones!
So there it is! My things I will achieve this year! If you have set resolutions that make you feel more sad then glad, then change it. Change it so that you can achieve it and feel like a new you each day. You’re going to have bad days and set backs, that’s just the natural thing that’s going to happen. But I think with proper mental training, I can achieve it all.