Life Lesson for Mommy #148:

Infant child baby kid hand with medical insulin syringe

The Vaccination Question?

Ah, to vaccinate or not to vaccinate? That is the question. A billion dollar a year industry question.

I’m making this post for my friends and family members who have questions about vaccines, if they’re safe, and if they should get their kids vaccinated.

I will tell you up front, that I’m not anti-vaccine, I’m pro-information. By now I think most of us know that we the public are never told the whole truth, and that’s just based off current and past events where the government has lied or just selected on not telling us the whole story.

News and spine chilling breakthroughs like this article really make me uncomfortable and nervous.
http://www.healio.com/pediatrics/vaccine-preventable-diseases/news/online/%7B284e38c9-c393-4108-9755-3a8e5b942506%7D/access-to-detailed-vaers-reports-reduces-vaccine-acceptance

Eek! And it makes me painfully afraid of the fact that I vaccinated both my children, and I myself was vaccinated as a child. I explain later in this post why I decided to do it- and this was before I knew about the article above… Anyways, lets get some perspective!

1) Your Government Is A Habitual Liar.

In many cases Canada follows some of it’s medical practices from the United States (not all but some). Accepting a lot of the research that they have, which was sponsored and paid for by pharmaceutical or chemical companies. One company is Monsanto. Monsanto is company of many faces. It developed the biochemical weapon Agent Orange which the United States sprayed on Vietnam during the war. To this day children are born with serious birth defects and diseases Vietnam. From this company was developed the GMO- that thing you eat in almost every food your government says is safe…except it’s not. Well the safety part is up for scientific debate.Two Shots with a Vial on American Paper MoneyGlysophate which is sprayed on these GMO crops because they’re constantly trying to kill weeds that have become immune to the previous spray, was being totted around the scientific world as SAFE for decades. And then it came out that maybe, just maybe it’s not so safe. Maybe it’s more carcinogen then safe. Sorry about that….Enjoy your cancer broccoli… :S

Tons of research is out there that is completely ignored or shot down simply because the pharmaceutical company or ‘seed company’ like Monsanto says it is. And they go to great lengths to counter these reports even if it’s half ass’d.

http://www.realfarmacy.com/seralini-defamation-lawsuit/

 Lets not forget they try to crucify people, even people like Dr. Oz who is against GMO’s and glysophate simply because the science isn’t completely correct on them. He was hammered publicly before a government panel…but guess who was on that hammering panel- people paid for by Monsanto and Big Pharmaceutical companies- that portion didn’t make the news.  But lucky for us, the Internet provides.
http://www.naturalnews.com/045619_Senator_McCaskill_campaign_contributions_pharma_money.html
Not to mention the United States has in the very recent past of actually introducing diseases into the general public simply to see how ‘people got sick’.

http://list25.com/25-conspiracy-theories-that-turned-out-to-be-true/

This clip is just to show that the Government can and has lied.

As mentioned in the youtube clip the Syphillis Studies
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tuskegee_syphilis_experimentThe list goes on

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unethical_human_experimentation_in_the_United_States

Here’s a bunch of others….
How CIA did fake vaccines in Pakistan and India
http://www.democracynow.org/2014/5/12/did_cias_fake_polio_vaccination_program

History of medical abuse- this is important because it puts the next link into perspective
http://www.whatreallyhappened.com/WRHARTICLES/biowar.html

First Nation TB experiments.http://aptn.ca/news/2013/07/24/first-nation-infants-subject-to-human-experimental-work-for-tb-vaccine-in-1930s-40s/http://indiancountrytodaymedianetwork.com/2013/07/28/lab-rats-guinea-pigs-canadians-experimented-aboriginal-infants-tuberculosis-vaccineUnethical clinical trials

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michael-carome-md/unethical-clinical-trials_b_5927660.html

Phew! That was a lot to read and watch right? Well there’s more, so clear your day! 😛

2) This Is All Just Conspiracy Stuff- Not Real Stuff.

You’re probably going to say, well Ms. Blogger lady, these experiments with vaccines and what not were done a long time ago and these experiments aren’t happening now because they were already experimented and it’s 2016…Well to you I say, you’re stupid to think the government ever stops experimenting. They have a track record of lying, why the hell would you think for a second they’d suddenly become honest.

Big Pharma isn’t called big pharma for no reason- they make trillions, they need you to be sick. If they can spread and experiment with these past vaccines, there is no saying that they won’t introduce illness into a population simply to see how their ‘vaccine’ works- that’s the easiest and cheapest clinical trial ever and they make money on it.

Ah what’s that? Smells like the Ebola virus and that miracle vaccine! :S Yikes

Dictionary definition of word conspiracy

Conspiracy theory is a term coined to create doubt on a plausible theory, well get ready for a dose of reality cause some crazy conspiracy theories turned out to be true- and below is 1 that was wildly put down, until it turned out to be true. Like operation NorthWood for example- might want to google that one, fun read…

And yes there are crazy (like crazy crazy) theories out there, but you just have to apply some common sense, a habit of crossing checking and you’ll have your truth.

3) Polio Vaccines To The Rescue!

Nope, not today. Bill Gates spear headed the cause to cure India of it’s polio- except the well known oral vaccines – suspected for causing parallelization, caused just that, people were paralyzed. This was early on being called out but anti-vaxx’ers were slammed by the general medical community calling it a conspiracy theory nut job blabber.

They used all the science they could to say it wasn’t happening and it was rare…Then it turned out to be legit not so rare. No apology was issued and they haven’t really stopped. Oh and guess who makes this Oral vaccine in India? MONSANTO.

http://healthimpactnews.com/2014/the-vaccine-myth-of-polio-free-status-polio-vaccine-caused-53000-paralysis-victims-in-india-last-year/
https://vactruth.com/2014/10/05/bill-gates-vaccine-crimes/http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2908963/Judges-demand-answers-children-die-controversial-cancer-vaccine-trial-India.html

https://leviquackenboss.wordpress.com/2016/04/19/were-going-to-stop-paralyzing-people-in-developing-nations-with-our-polio-vaccine-says-the-world-health-organization/http://cid.oxfordjournals.org/content/49/8/1287.full

Bill Gates has a nasty habit of being kind of a hypocrite. He talks about helping the impoverished and saving them from curable diseases like Polio but invested millions in a controversial security company called G4S- which is well known to be helping Israel to ethnically cleanse. He also invests heavily in oil companies that do so many horrible things, everything from moving Iraqi oil to oiling up an ocean or two. Their business is war, occupation and ownership of Oil at the expense of human lives.

Saving lives and killing them at the same time. But wait, Bill Gates also believes that climate change is happening mostly because there are too many people on earth- so population control is needed on top of carbon taxes. What is population control, I’m glad you asked. It means LESS HUMAN BEINGS NEED TO BE LIVING.

Eventually because of the huge backlash he got for investing in G4S, he divested.

The Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation exposed


https://electronicintifada.net/blogs/michael-deas/bill-gates-foundation-sells-shares-israeli-prison-contractor-g4s

http://www.activistpost.com/2015/11/carbon-hypocrite-bill-gates-says-only-carbon-taxes-will-stop-the-dreaded-climate-change.html

I don’t know about you, but I don’t really trust a man who is so hypocritical and won’t even admit that these polio vaccines have destroyed the lives of so many young children and that HPV vaccine testing was in fact happening on these people who didn’t consent to it. And never paid out any money to those affected because meh who cares they’re 3rd world guinea pigs.

Bill-Gates_2012907b

You can kinda get what’s happening here…and yes it’s freaking scary. I’ll leave you to panic for a moment……… You’re okay? Lets trooper on!

4) So Who Is Telling The Truth?

With so much information coming at you from the internet, your doctors and the mainstream on what is safe when it comes to vaccines, what is a parent to do….who do we believe?
Well here’s a piece that might help put things in perspective on who we are believing when we believe the research our medical system is basing their belief on:

Dear Jon Stewart, from a Doctor

The ultimate power is in your hand Mr. and/or Mrs Parent, you make that powerful choice. As I did. And I chose with great hesitation and prayer to vaccinate. Because yes the gov’t is total crap and they lie like crazy and they can knowingly introduce disease through these vaccines and YOU nor your Doctor or the Nurse giving the shot would know it. Like this article showing how the FDA knows there is high levels of arsenic in your chicken which can cause cancer and serious illness but they won’t change anything…
https://www.minds.com/blog/view/554692425218535424

But I made my choice simply because a) we travel a lot, especially to and from China b)I’m sending my kids to school which requires them to be up to date with vaccinations. c) I will explain this last reason at the end.

5) Do Vaccines Prevent Stuff Then?
….well yeah, maybe?…not like they say it does. In some cases like we saw last year, it was a vaccinated child who started the measles outbreak that year. In fact, every few years there is an outbreak to basically create the business of vaccinations- and yet it’s being pushed that these vaccines are creating ‘herd resistance’…except it’s not with kids who are actually vaccinated causing the outbreaks..
http://www.naturalnews.com/048519_vaccines_measles_virus_shedding.html

http://www.fda.gov/NewsEvents/Newsroom/PressAnnouncements/ucm376937.htm

And yes you can say it keeps having outbreaks because dumb parents aren’t vaccinating? But that’s not what happened in Disney Land…
http://www.globalresearch.ca/measles-outbreak-documented-among-fully-immunized-group-of-children/5431567http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2015/02/10/measles-disneyland.aspxhttp://www.sciencemag.org/news/2014/04/measles-outbreak-traced-fully-vaccinated-patient-first-time

Ouch so much for herd immunity… :S

6) Are You Qualified To Have An Opinion When You’re Not A Medical Professional?
YES, you are.

It’s the biggest mistake that people think we shouldn’t question what doctors/nurses and experts say. The medical field in this country is designed to teach doctors and nurses ‘what paid for science’ looks like and have them preach that to us. I won’t argue that many advancements have been made through research, and we now live longer healthier lives. But we also have to pay a lot more for drugs that cost pennies in 3rd world nations that can’t afford them. And we also have a lot, like a lot more cancer in our population. The cancer rate can be said to be a combo hit between environment, products that we use that all seem to be laced with cancer causing agents, to our food etc. So we cant’ just blame vaccines. But there is a link between vaccine and vaccine injury-which has in reality harmed and ruined the lives of many thousands.

We also have growing number of cancer patients that doesn’t follow a proper pattern vs population growth (in comparison to even 50 years ago) when there were barely any vaccines.Yeah we have greater chances of living through cancer and living longer fuller lives with cancer- but 1 in 2 will get cancer (that’s not a mistake, 1 in 2). If you get cancer, you make Big Pharma money…that doesn’t bother anybody?
http://scienceblog.cancerresearchuk.org/2015/02/04/why-are-cancer-rates-increasing/So to put that into perspective, half of the people on my fb are going to get cancer and live longer with it, but they’ll just be paying for it and suffering through it until that cancer takes them painfully to death. I don’t know about you, but that’s not making me feel better. Nobody is going to ask why the numbers are so amazingly staggering!? 1 in 2 should scare you- A LOT.http://seer.cancer.gov/statfacts/html/all.htmlFemale hands holding family figure on wooden background

Are you qualified to have an opinion?

Just remember, we were told just 15 years ago that Iraq had WMD’s when the government knew it didn’t. We were told the government is not spying on you- when they were and still are. What relevance is this to anything, well the LYING part is relevant. If they can lie and say perfectly innocent countries with perfectly innocent people have WMD’s, invade and destroy their country, killing millions- you think they won’t be able to hold a straight face while telling you vaccinations are totally safe?We were told a lot of things for a long time, and now we’re being asked to ignore growing access to studies out there that prove that the science we’re following around vaccines isn’t actual truth but fudged numbers.

http://occupy-monsanto.com/tag/denmark/And just for fun, here’s some stuff on vaccine court- it’s a legit thing.
http://vaccineimpact.com/2014/government-pays-compensation-to-80-flu-vaccine-injuries-and-deaths-in-3-month-period/And some facts on how vaccines do in fact have a dark side.
http://www.globalresearch.ca/casualties-in-the-war-new-research-confirms-vaccines-do-have-a-dark-side/5463770

7) Tylenol is like legit science safe.
It is true, that if not vaccinated and exposed to the disease children might get really sick, so what if they are injected with something designed chemically with that formaldehyde. Yeah I do get that our bodies produce levels that are naturally occurring, it doesn’t matter that it doesn’t even raise the baseline levels in the body itself when injected, and it does matter if we are exposed by environmental formaldehyde that isn’t naturally occurring- the point is- IT SHOULDN’T be there. Naturally occurring and chemically created are 2 different things people!But why, when it’s totally safe!?To that I say: Tylenol.

Pregnant woman are told that Tylenol is perfectly safe to take during pregnancy and is not harmful to the baby. I have a big surprise for ya! Turns out, the science was wrong. Male babies seem to have reproductive issues that are life lasting….yeah…wtf.

So for 50+ years it was for sure real science legit safe and now with new science we’re being told whoops sorry. If you use too much you’ll give birth to boys who might have problems reproducing…

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/05/150520151626.htm

Um, after my accident I took lots of Tylenol out of painful desperation, and thankfully during my pregnancy with my son those hormones kicked in and I didn’t need to take much – I hate myself for even taking the few I did. But the point is that science isn’t a forever fact. I know that’s what these ‘scientists’ act like it is, but the fact is: it’s not an actual fact. (That’s a lot of facts!)It’s only a “fact” based off the limitations of science we know today. In 50 years our children might grow up and one day it might finally come out that vaccines aren’t safe.

And what are we going to do then? Who is going to take responsibility, it’s sure not going to be your government. I guess we can all get together and do a class action lawsuit against the government, the makers of the vaccine itself and our medical system, but will it take away the disease from the infected children?And at the worst, in 50 years it comes out that it is actually very safe! Then you’ll feel like a moron- simple as that.

Fun fact, the big bang theory which I was taught and believed in for all my life, might be under review now…and by under review I mean it might have not happened….
http://phys.org/news/2015-02-big-quantum-equation-universe.html
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2769156/Black-holes-NOT-exist-Big-Bang-Theory-wrong-claims-scientist-maths-prove-it.html

Horray for science!…so if they can get these things wrong with so many decades of saying this theory is right and anyone who doesn’t believe in it is a nutjob….then what about vaccines. I will credit that vaccines can be tested and we know from experiments done on populations under the guise of vaccinations, that it’s real testable science so therefore it’s more sciencey?? And The Universe can’t be tested and such but it’s still real sciencey science…Wait what?

8) Well then whiney-pants blogger momma, why did you vaccinate then?

With all that heavy stuff and my complete distrust in the government I still vaccinated my kids- yes I totally did. Cried and prayed like crazy, but I did. Because in the end, I would rather my children live than be at risk of death. I know, I know how could I possibly do it with news like this:

https://vactruth.com/2014/10/05/bill-gates-vaccine-crimes/
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2908963/Judges-demand-answers-children-die-controversial-cancer-vaccine-trial-India.htmlHonestly, I was scared. Because I know saying that’s not happening in the ‘west’  (however shallow as that may sound) might not be so correct. Our western population has been tested on before in the past, and there’s nothing to stop them from doing it.The United States took in Nazi scientists who committed horrible serious crimes against the Jews during the holocaust in experimenting on them medically with god knows what, and hired them into different research fields, such as science, medicine and military after Hitler was brought down….we’re going to trust this?(This article is a bit hard to read considering the writer almost relishes the science behind the holocaust) http://scienceblogs.com/insolence/2008/12/04/was-nazi-science-good-science/
List of medical shots for baby concept of vaccination
Here is my reason:
c) If you ask any maternity nurse who has seen children come in struggling to breath, hooked up to wires, tubes and heart monitors, or having to sit down with the parents to deliver the bad news or call the morgue for pick up…you will know, that no matter what, you still want to give them a fighting chance to be alive. It is true, that they might still get really sick, they might be injected with something designed chemically to hurt them in other ways, but living here that was a risk I had to take. Because of the amount we travel, the place we live in (British Columbia being a hub for travelers from different Asian countries that seem to always carry that damn measles bug!) I chose to do it. NO just because I did it, doesn’t mean you have to do it too.9) You are the Parent!You are the parent. You did everything you can from the moment of conception to birthing to this moment to create the safest possible space for your children. You want to keep them happy and healthy, and vaccinations really scare you because there has been so much hoopla around it. But don’t be confused. Because there are facts that we can’t dismiss. Yes vaccines do prevent, how much and how effectively is the contradiction though.Your babies are yours and you have to sit down and map out a lifestyle. If you don’t get these vaccinations and eat GMO’s and expose them to chemicals- guess what you’re killing your kids anyways.Here’s a fine example of how Corporations decide to make choices for us.
https://www.thestar.com/business/2016/02/24/johnson-johnson-ordered-to-pay-72m-in-lawsuit-linking-talcum-powder-cancer.html

Yeah….and this is something that is readily available for purchase, no warning, nothing. Even though they’re using something that is known to cause cancer, they’re not going to do anything about it, and you’re going to go ahead and use it.

So think about it clearly. Being anti-vaccine or pro-vaccine isn’t the bubble we should be putting people in. You are either pro-information or not. You are either pro-lifestyle choices or not. In your course of life, you will be about different things and change your mind about different things a lot, but one thing remains the same. We all want to live as long as possible as healthy as possible and want the same for our kids.

Also keep in mind that everything in your environment has been in contact with some sort of chemical- from when you’re born to your death. Everything from your food, your water, the clothes you wear, to the street you live in. People forget that vaccinations aren’t the only thing out there that can seriously make us ill. Wifi connections are readily available everywhere- that’s extra radiation following you everywhere increasing your cancer risk. Own a cell phone? Yep you’re probably going to increase brain cancer risk. If you live in downtown of any city, chances are your cancer risk will also increase due to car pollution. The foods you eat have been sprayed to death with different chemicals and an organic label doesn’t mean it’s actually organic, it can still be from a GMO seed (which is guaranteed to have been sprayed chemically).

If you drink organic tea’s, the leaves were collected from 3rd world nations, chances are you are drinking industrial run-off, and if it’s in a tea bag- well that’s plastic you’re ingesting. The clothes you wear? Is it from China or a 3rd world country? Well then say hello to the thin film of chemical spray that doesn’t wash off. Everything will kill you on this planet unless you’re off the grid out in the middle of nowhere. And that’s the argument a lot of Vaccine pushers make to anti-vaccine people. And to this I agree, everything can kill you, thats true.

But my goal in life is to reduce as much of that risk of terrible diseases as possible. If a patient is at risk of being diabetic because their parent has it, doesn’t mean they will for sure have it. You can keep yourself in check with diet and exercise and living a healthy lifestyle, and at best wait out that diabetes until your old age. The point is you wanna give yourself and your family the best chance. So you’re already buying organic and making healthy meals at home, and you’ve even got a garden out back to supply you with good food. Heck you might have even switched from wifi to direct cable plug in, and you’re even saving money to switch to organic cotton clothes, etc etc  So why wouldn’t you want to know why these vaccines are causing the kind of injury they are- rare or not. Why aren’t you given all of the information that should be your right to have.

http://www.healio.com/pediatrics/vaccine-preventable-diseases/news/online/%7B284e38c9-c393-4108-9755-3a8e5b942506%7D/access-to-detailed-vaers-reports-reduces-vaccine-acceptance

Why wouldn’t you want to know why big pharma companies have contradictory information and ignoring any other study conducted. Cell phone companies insist that radiation from a cell phone can’t cause any cancer….Um have you seen the multiple other studies that are saying, there is in fact a link?

List of medical shots for baby concept of vaccination ClinicalTrials

We wouldn’t be good parents if we didn’t ask questions and didn’t question the authority that governs us. They are supposed to be elected officials into the government there to serve you, you have no fear in demanding answers or change.

That is your damn right. You are a citizen and you have every right to know ALL of the information. Not just the science based research the companies themselves did. Such as the scientists who found that eating GMO’s caused tumors in rats. Remember now, his research isn’t something Canadian Food and Safety is accepting to rethink GMO, in fact instead they kept the big pharma science and have now allowed for GMO salmon to be sold in our stores. And how much science went behind that GMO salmon to be considered safe by the FDA? The study was based on 6 fish…Yeah.
http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2015/12/01/fda-approves-genetically-engineered-salmon.aspx
http://www.doctoroz.com/episode/genetically-modified-salmon-coming-store-near-you

And the real question is, why are things being labeled safe, when in fact there is no long term testing on humans and we don’t actually know the true impact on a humans health. Enter this GMO scientist who found rats with tumors, who should have changed our governments mindset when it comes to ‘acceptable science’.  The point is, the truth is sketchy on these studies done by Big Pharma, and the science however sensible isn’t without flaw. Cause remember now Monsanto and these GMO companies say with their science and studies say GMO’s are safe…..now we know, they’re not. So why are they so arrogantly tooting the vaccines are safe horn when there is a reasonable and very real doubt. Why isn’t anything changing when things come to light?

If the science on ‘science solid’ things like GMO’s are sketchy made by the same people who have their hands dipped in Big Pharma, then why can’t vaccinations also be sketchy especially when there is so much ‘fraud’ surrounding them. At the end of the day, the same people make money. Feed you to get sick, vaccinate you to prevent getting sick, while injecting you with something that could make your sicker….it’s a dirty game but it’s happened in our history before, there is no saying it’s not happening right now.

We want to live free, not just talk about freedom. Which is why we need to push our governments to do a less bias job in telling us the truth, and not just fixate on how much money they can make off of sickness and disease. We need to force pharma groups to work in not just the best interest of money, but in the interest of actually saving lives without costing so many lives with so many lies.

So keep that in your mind. And make your choice. To vaccinate or not vaccinate. That is the question. There might not be one true answer.

Now after reading this, you might be scared and even more terrified and even more confused on what to do. All I can say, is do the best you can. You live here with what you have and are being dealt the cards you got. Make the best decision you can. Don’t be afraid of the system, or other random people on line. People will think or do whatever they want anyways, you don’t need to climb on to any pro or anti anything bandwagon. Just do what is right for you.

I’m sure you will make the best and most right choice for your child and your family.

Good luck!
😀

Life Lesson for Mommy #142:

5 Minute Scrub! DIY!

There are only a few things I do for myself during the week to take care of myself. And this is one of them. I make a cup of it, stick it into a glass mason jar and use it up every week! It’s easy and it cleanses your skin, helps smooth out, lightens and brightens your skin and just overall good! And you probably already have these ingredients in your house!

It doesn’t matter if you have dry or oily skin- this is great for both. I have combination skin so this is perfect for someone like me. You can add a little something extra to it if you feel your skin type needs a little less or more.

The Stuff You Need:

  • 1 lemon squeezed out of all it’s juice, no seeds.
  • 1 cup plain white yogurt
  • 1/2 cup oatmeal (blended dry until it’s a powder)

Mix all the ingredients and make a paste- it should not be sliding off your face. Decrease yogurt or increase amount of oatmeal powder to reach paste like consistency.

That’s it! Mix it, put it into a mason jar and keep it in your fridge. And 5 minutes before your shower, or while you’re in the shower slather it on your face and neck and let it sit for as long as you can. Ideal would be until it dries and feels like your face is tight! But any amount of time is great!

It’s like a mask, a scrub, a cleanser, a toner- it freaking does it all!

Some Tips:

  •  Make sure your yogurt is not about to be expired.
  • -Label the mason jar with yogurt expiry so you know when to throw out mixture- should only use for 1 week before making new batch.

Crying on my Birthday.

My anxiety filled-1

Horray! I’m 34! Except this birthday isn’t like other birthdays.

This year I am riddled with fear, doubt and feelings of just exhaustion. No matter how I try to pick myself up, come up with different plans, and do what I can personally to strengthen myself mentally- I have moments like this…except this moment has been creeping up on my for a long time I think….3 years to be exact.

I have been trying my hardest to avoid my anxieties of things by telling myself they don’t either exist or that they’re small and don’t need this much mental anguish.

Except 3 years later, nothing has changed and I have realized this. I got into a bad car accident- well to me it was bad. Life was going pretty well before this accident. I had a hard pregnancy with my daughter, but things were picking up. My husband could refocus on his business again, and I was enjoying my daughter. With a new journey ahead of us, things were looking up!

Until that car accident changed it all. It changed a lot about me. I became an angry person, an anxious person who thought about ‘how things were going to go wrong’ all the time, I made chaos out of even the smallest things. And to top it off was the pain…the pain is still what affects me and keeps me angry and anxious. I want to be happy and look forward but this neck, this face pain keeps me in the past. It keeps me in that accident, in that car.

Several unfair things happened after. The rear ending wasn’t the only hit- we took hit after hit after hit….my husband was injured and could barely work dealing with his own pain, me, my appointments and his own; then our daughter still needed her parents. He took the charge because I had mentally wiped out. He pushed himself and pushed and never uttered a bad word. Financially we took a hit, we couldn’t work but we still had expenses plus paying for appointments. We took another hit because I stopped driving, but I started to back seat drive. Our relationship took a hit because of me. I was exhausted all the time, I was angry and upset all the time, but we did our best for each other and our daughter. We took a hit in so many parts of our lives that just thinking about it makes me cry.

Anxiety

The one thing I refused to take a hit with was having my second child. I refused to put that away. That was a plan we made after I made annoying appointments with different doctors to find out exactly what kinds of risks I would be in, accept the extra steps I would have to make – accepted them and made the decision to go on with it. My second pregnancy was wonderful! I had to do those extra things that weren’t going according to plan but I dealt with it fine. It was the first time after my accident that the pain totally disappeared! I had the best 10 months ever! I thought the pain was gone for good and I got my life back. I was doing great mentally, making progress to gain back me. I was back to doing all the things I loved to do! There were still some issues that I had to iron out but I was doing it with more gusto and looked forward to being ‘me’ again!

Except after a couple months after giving birth to my son- the pain came back…but it didn’t come back just small. It came back like the pain I had after my car accident. One of my biggest pleasures and hope was to breast feed this baby for 2 years! The pain was awful in my neck and shoulders. I had to restart going to my Physio guy and get IMS done again so I could cling on to my son and breastfeeding. It was helping and relieving my pain. And I held on to my positive attitude that this will go away again.

It hasn’t gone away…it’s now 17months after giving birth. I refuse to let that accident take away my one joy to breast feed and I refuse to stop until he’s 2.

My Love and Joy!
My Love and Joy!

This year I made resolutions that I am sticking with, and one of them is to gain back ‘myself’. I was a happy person! I am an activist who could separate myself from the cause (which is something I’m struggling with now). I love to write, and draw, to make amazing meals for my family, I love playing the piano, I love making my mommy blogs, I love doing all this…but as time goes it’s harder and harder to remember who I was before that accident.

A few days ago, I broke down. I had the symptoms of what I thought was a heart attack- I rushed to the hospital. To learn thankfully it wasn’t a heart attack but it was indeed the worst anxiety attack I have ever experienced. I never knew a person could feel like that. My blood pressure was very high, I had troubles calming down, I kept thinking about the pain in my face so I kept myself from crying (because crying would make it worse), my neck had been hurting for days prior because I had to do more activity. And having to let go of our wage loss claim was painful- not so much because of the money but because of how unfair it was. I guess it all toppled over and my glass started to spill.

Now it’s January 11th 2016. And I don’t feel happy. I feel a bit depressed and mostly angry. My neck is hurting and I will have to probably take more Tylenol today. I will probably have to restrain myself more today and my husband will have to do my portion too. I will probably feel like not leaving the house but I’m sure my husband will do his best to get me out. I want to feel like myself- like the Lazina before the car accident. And right now, I’m breaking down. My resolutions are out the door for today as I let myself go and feel bad. I will most likely regret feeling like this later when I get my senses back, but as long as my neck is hurting today I will feel this way.

I want a Happy 34th birthday. And I will do my best to have it. But for this moment- I will just let myself feel the things I’m feeling. I have been holding it in so much thinking I was dealing with it. And now my heart races a lot, I get palpitations that are very noticeable often, my blood pressure is up, and I’m faint feeling a lot. So holding it in isn’t the right solution.

I’m going to cry on my 34th birthday because of the wrong reasons. It should be because I’m getting older or something normal like that. But I’m just freaking out because this is another year of pain and anxiety and I’m wondering how many more birthdays will this car accident take from me- take from my family. Haven’t I taken enough hits?

But as usual, I’m going to cover it up in front of my family, my friends, the outside world because this is how I am. But I hope on the Internet if someone who is searching, or a momma who has gone through what I have, see’s this will know that I feel just like them and they are not alone.

And I hope by the time dinner comes, I will have managed my pain, I will be smiling without fear for my face and my happy face won’t be a fake one.

Good Luck!
🙁

Life Lesson for Mommy #44:

haytham&me

Life Lesson for Mommy #44:
Big Fat Momma

I met an acquaintance I hadn’t seen since before I was pregnant with Omera- over 3 years ago. So when we met up by accident at the mall today, it was a great surprise to know she had just given birth to a healthy baby girl a month ago. I was surprised since she didn’t even look like she had been pregnant! I told her she looked amazing having just given birth! She replied by asking how old Haytham was, I said almost 5 months and we both had this awkward silence….Like as if her eyes were asking me why I hadn’t already lost all that baby weight yet?

I felt like I had to explain to her why I was still hanging on to my chub. So it’s been 4 months, almost 5 and I haven’t lost all the baby weight I gained…in fact there is a good chance a gained a pound or 2 back. And most of it due to the fact that my son Haytham was mad colic for the first 3 months of his life out of the belly- horrible crying, intense purple crying and not to mention 4 major nursing strikes. It was tough and really emotionally intense. All that along with neck and shoulder pain from an accident that never really healed….of course I’m gonna eat cupcakes dammit!

But I shouldn’t have to justify this to people or myself. It’s tough to be a woman and even harder to be a mom. The expectations don’t go down just because you have a baby, in fact it might be even worse. Everyone looks at Kim Kardashian and thinks it’s realistic to drop 25lbs after having the baby. Well let me tell you, the Kim types in the world have the time, and maybe their priorities and help are a bit different then mine. Hollywood has the help, the chef, the personal trainer…I just have myself LOL And the one time I went to a baby yoga class, I had to rush out in 10 minutes because Haytham had a colic episode….but the time I had in there made me realize that woman are really harsh with each other. These yoga moms were in there with their babies who were younger then Haytham and looking like they had never gotten pregnant, looking at me like I didn’t care for myself….

Why is the pressure to be thin so quickly after birth so crucial? Are we that narrow minded of a society, that the health of a mother comes last compared to her body image? Is left over belly from where the baby stretches your inni into an outie that bad? Is it so bad to have curves and chub left over on your body after nurturing life for 10 months? Is it really that bad?

It’s fine if you want to be thin and fit, all the power to you. If you can balance new baby and having a fit amazing bod, I envy your will power! If you can send me some of that energy and will power please do! A year or two ago a fitness momma with 3 kids posted up a picture of her 3 sons and her in a 2 piece outfit with the title ‘what’s your excuse’. It was a huge thing on the net, and the question of if fat shaming is actually a good thing came up. To push women who are new mothers to lose excess baby weight faster and not use the baby….Um wtf? Serious? Maybe her babies are just wonderful angels who did what they were supposed to do on time, but that’s not the majority of babies. Maybe she left her kids to exercise, I didn’t.

That’s not the majority of women out there. And what I resent is the ‘yoga momma’s’ out there who are fat shaming real mothers who don’t have perfect babies. They don’t have perfect bodies and why should fat be the issue. Shouldn’t healthy be what you push?

Listen, if all you eat is kale and kale, and everything’s juiced, that’s great, I’m very envious of your lifestyle. But even if all I ate was that, I would never be a size zero and I don’t ever want to be a size zero, I just want to be healthy.

Body image was getting me down, seeing these perfect bodies of new momma’s was getting me down. And then a wonderful thing happened…my husband told me that he liked my chub. That this chub was proof that I put priority on my colic son who needed me for those 3 months. I put priority on my daughter who felt left out because all my time was spent on nursing and cuddling an infant. I put priority on my happiness by using time I could have used on the stepper to watch a funny show to lift my dwindling spirits. I ate, oh I ate when I had a chance, and that was whenever the baby wasn’t crying, so my diet wasn’t great. Regardless, I love the way I am. And though I want to go back to my ideal size, I’m not going to let images of sexy momma’s in bikini’s break me down. And it shouldn’t bring down any mother.

You are amazing, and your body is amazing. You have to love yourself, no point is being thin if all that matters to you is what other people think. Then all you’re doing is being shallow, and teaching your children that girls have to be thin, sexy objects. And I for one will not teach my daughter or my son that. Women are beautiful inside out, the way they are. There is too much heavy important placed on the size of her waist and not enough on how amazing of a girl or mother she is. And most importantly both her physical and mental health should be what matters.

I love my chub. And if you meet me, you’ll love my chub too.

Pass this to a new momma who loves her chub too.

Good Luck!

Life Lessons for Mommy 39:

udooil

My New Secret Skin Care Product

I use a few things for my skin to try to hold on to looking youthful for a bit longer- despite hitting into my 30’s. And of course when you think of skin care, you think of all the products you’re going to slather on to your face and body, all the things you’re going to DIY and paste, and baste in to look younger, fresher and prettier.

But here’s one of my new secret weapons that has me raving praises! And its not even something you put on your body.

Udo’s oil. No joke, it’s one of the healthiest oils on earth, and it does wonders for your skin, hair and nails, not to mention cell regeneration, and detoxifying. I was skeptical when my momma friend told me about it, I mean you can say Olive Oil is the best oil on earth if you look at all the good things it does for you too. But Udo’s oil is different. It has a combination of different unrefined oils, like flex oil, sesame, evening primrose seeds, coconut and rice bran oils. It’s vegetarian based which makes it halal and kosher, all natural, and has DHA. This isn’t just great for skin, it’s great for eye health (I went down a prescription, I didn’t even know that was possible but there it is!)

So give yourself a boost in health and beauty, and get this oil. I did the hunting for you and found Flora Health has the best Udo’s oil out there- non GMO and completely natural and vegetarian. And if you’re breast feeding, or pregnant, take this oil, it’s not harmful to your baby, in fact the boost in brain development of the baby, and supports the nervous system. So go for this oil, a little goes a long way.

Drizzle on salads, Chinese foods, or even smoothies (I couldn’t do the smoothie…texture issue for me, but you might like it). It’s not really a cooking oil, so don’t try to fry things in it, it’s more of a top off oil. So you add it in, not cook it out so keep that in mind.

You can buy it from a friend of mine who’s helping me out with my videos (which I plan on shooting in the new year!!! So please do support me too!!)

http://rcm-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/cm?lt1=_blank&bc1=000000&IS2=1&bg1=FFFFFF&fc1=000000&lc1=0000FF&t=jdmvip-20&o=15&p=8&l=as4&m=amazon&f=ifr&ref=ss_til&asins=B00154O6QE

Good Luck

And as always,
Good Luck